Nancy Colier, a psychotherapist and author of The Emotionally Exhausted Woman, says women are taught as young girls to be kind above all else, to take care of others, and to keep the peace at their own expense. In fact, young women are often rewarded for not having needs.

This “likability cage” often becomes part of girls’ belief systems around age 12 or 13 and, when we carry it into our adult lives, we begin to trade our truth, our authenticity, and even our personal safety, just to be liked.